Your Acceptance
by Suki-Itami
Summary: Kyle has a secret that's stopping him from telling Stan how he feels, but when Stan tells him his feelings, Kyle will risk rejection to let him know he feels the same.


I stepped out of the shower and grabbed onto the dark green towel draped over the wooden towel rack so I could dry off my chin length wavy red hair. That had felt great! Just what I needed after that long ass day! (Especially with gym class as my final hour of the school day and since the showers in the locker rooms don't work.)

I reached for the black Rocky Horror Picture Show t-shirt and matching black sweatpants I had set aside, and then suddenly stopped when I could see my reflection in the half-mirror behind the marble sink. I pulled the towel in front of myself as fast as I could and bit my bottom lip. Damn, I hoped the steam from my shower would've been enough to cover the mirror entirely. If it had, I wouldn't have to see my goddamned chest, cup size C, and my vagina. Why?

I bit my bottom lip so hard that I tasted blood. I, Kyle Broflovski, had been born Kristine Broflovski. I was a transgender and had been for years. My parents knew it and though they accepted it, they were completely embarrassed by the fact that their eldest and only daughter rejected her identity as a woman, preferring the body and mindset of a man, so, as a result, I was forced to hide it from even my super best friend Stan Marsh. I wanted to tell him so desperately too, but mom had made it clear that if I told even him, she'd take away the money she had set aside for me to get a sex change operation when I turned eighteen. It was only three months away; I knew I could keep it secret just a bit longer.

As tears welled up in my eyes, I heard someone knock on the front door downstairs. Before I could put on the t-shirt, I reached under the sink and pulled out a white binder - an extreme sports bra that flattens my chest as opposed to just restraining it - and some white bandaging to guarantee it would stay flat. I slipped the binder on and kept adjusting it until I was finally comfortable a minute later.

There was a knock at the bathroom door. "Kyle?"

"Yeah mom?" My voice was higher pitched than usual, but that was normal. I always forced my voice into a lower pitch around my friends and the people at school so I could keep up the façade of a male.

"Your friend Stan's here," her tone was a little angry. It was probably because Stan was most likely standing right next to her and just used my girl voice.

I cleared my throat as silently as I could and said, "I'll be out in a minute."

Quickly and easily, I wrapped the Ace bandages around my already flattened chest and slipped into the light blue boxers as I heard mom telling Stan to just wait in my room for me. I slipped on the t-shirt and the pair of baggy blue jeans still on the counter. I rested the towel around my neck and walked out of the bathroom. As I entered my bedroom, I heard the door close downstairs. Who left? Well, Stan's sitting on my bed, so it wasn't him.

I grabbed my brush as I walked past my dresser. "Hey dude. What's up? Need help with your homework?"

He shook his head as I sat down next to him on the bed. "No, it's nothing like that."

"What is then?" I smiled just slightly when I looked at the side of his face. His black hair was just long enough to softly caress the sides of his face, the nape of his neck, and just below his eyebrows. His face was perfectly sharp and his dark blue eyes were turned up ever so slightly. Underneath his blue jeans and brown jacket I knew there was the lovely, pale body he'd honed through years of football. He was beautiful; his appearance was perfect in every way. But it wasn't just the superficial reasons that made me love him, he was sweet, understanding, and, even though it was just the love of a best friend, he loved me unconditionally.

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes were filled with…something. Sadness maybe? Depression? "Kyle, I need to tell you something important, and I need to know that you won't hate me for it."

I stopped brushing my hair as I waited for him to continue and when he didn't, I grabbed onto his hand and said reassuringly, "I could never hate you, you're my best friend dude."

He smiled just slightly for a second and then said slowly, "Kyle…I think I…I think I love you man."

My mouth dropped open. Stan loved me too? He really did? Well, maybe he just meant like a brother or something…I couldn't be sure. "You…love me? You mean, like a brother…?"

He shook his head. "No, I mean," he got closer to me, closing the gap between our faces, "like this." Gently, he brought our lips together in a passionate kiss.

At first, I sat there frozen, unsure of how to respond to sudden contact, but I slipped my eyes closed and leaned into the kiss. I grabbed onto the front of Stan's jacket and pulled myself into his lap as his tongue entered my mouth and I let a single moan leave me as our lips parted for only a brief moment. It felt great, that simple pure contact of our lips. My heart sped up, pounding loudly in my ears as my face flushed bright red. I wanted to stay just like that for just a little longer, but I was suddenly on my back and Stan was trying to lift my shirt off of me.

"Stan, stop!" I grabbed onto his wrists to stop him from lifting my t-shirt up anymore than it already was, but I wasn't even sure how much of the Ace bandage wrapped around my chest he could see, if any of it at all.

"Kyle?" He looked down at my hands as they began shaking with the realization that he'd almost discovered I was a girl. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to force myself on you!" Slowly, he released my t-shirt and leaned back onto his knees.

I sat up with him, my shirt falling back around my torso. "No, it's not that." My eyes fell to the space between our legs on the bed. "I would've loved for us to continue, but…we can't."

Stan grabbed my hands lightly. "Why not?"

"I…I can't say." I pulled my hands away.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"I-I know…but, I just can't Stan! My mom would…"

"But your mom's not here, she went to the store."

Oh, so that was who left earlier…? Mom isn't here, so if I told Stan, she wouldn't find out. Well, maybe, if I could trust Stan wouldn't freak out and tell someone. Secrets like this have a way of getting around quickly if you're not careful, (Garrison's two sex changes don't really count since he was overly open about them from the start). I looked into his eyes and bit my bottom lip again, the blood from earlier that had dried broke open and spilled into my mouth once again. Should I tell him? What would he think of me? Would he still love me, or would he leave me alone again?

"Kyle?" One of his hands cupped my cheek. I relaxed and stopped biting my lip, not caring that the blood now trickled down my chin as opposed to in my mouth. "Whatever it is you're gonna tell me doesn't matter. If you're worried about what I'll think of you, don't. Nothing you could say would ever change how I feel about you, even if you told me that you don't feel the same." The un-added, _"even though I know you do" _was implied by his tone, I could tell.

Also in his tone, I could hear the acceptance I needed to know I'd always have from him before I even told him what he needed to hear. I smiled for half a second before scooting back away from him to press back again the headboard. "Stan, I need to know something before I tell you."

"What is it?" His head cocked to the side with curiosity, I couldn't help but think of how cute he looked like that.

"You won't tell anyone about what I tell you, right? I mean, this is a big secret my family's been keeping for years. If mom finds out that I told you…"

"Of course not. I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

I took a deep breath and reached for the hem of my shirt, wringing it in my hands for a few moments before saying, "Stan, please tell me you won't hate me." I was stalling, I knew and Stan clearly knew it, but he didn't show it or sound like he knew because he calmly said to me:

"I will **never** hate you babe." He smiled at me. "I know now, I really do love you."

I looked down at where my hands were still playing with the hem of my shirt as my eyes welled up with tears. He loved me…that just made me more nervous. "Could you shut the door? I love Ike dearly, but he can't keep a secret to save his life." Ike knew about me and the only reason he kept his mouth shut because mom threatened to ship him back to Canada.

Stan nodded and stood up to shut my bedroom door. While he was, I stripped off my t-shirt and quickly undid the Ace bandages. I didn't bother to mess with the binder, there was still enough of a bump from my breasts, plus cleavage line to tell him what I needed to without too much more explanation, and I wasn't taking my pants off. I turned to face him at the bedroom door as he shut it and he turned back to face me. When he saw me sitting there in the binder, he froze. I saw his eyes widen and shock overtake his face, my breath caught in my throat.

There was no point in hiding my girl voice anymore, so I used it, "Stan," the shock deepened on his face, "come sit down again."

He walked zombie-like over to the bed and sat down next to me again, staring at my chest with surprise. After a few moments of awkward silence, he finally said, "K-Kyle? Why do you have boobs?"

I smiled just a bit out of slight amusement. I figured he'd be vulgar about it, I guess I've been hanging around Kenny too much though. When I saw his face, I became serious again. "Over seventeen years ago, mom gave birth to Kristine Maryanne Broflovski, four years later she realized that she didn't like being a girl and became me, Kyle Marcus Broflovski." I looked down at the small bump coming from my chest. "Mom actually took me to a few psychiatrists for three years before she finally believed what she was told. That I am a transgender boy." I looked at Stan to see just how much more shocked he was after hearing everything. His mouth was hanging to the ground and there couldn't have been room for any other feeling or emotion on his face other than shock. This was obviously the last thing he thought I'd reveal to him, if he'd thought of it at all.

"When I turn eighteen in three months, mom is paying for my sex change. If she finds out I told you, she won't pay for it, and I'll be stuck like this." I gestured with both hands down my torso, watching as Stan's eyes trailed down from my collarbone all the way to the button of my pants. "I don't like this form. It's not who I am."

We sat there in silence for a while longer as what I said seemed to settle in the air between us. I gripped onto the green comforter spread across my bed as I waited for his response. The only sound was my radio softly playing a CD I had left there the night before.

"_I finally know just what it means to let someone in. To see the side of me that no one does, or ever will…"_

The longer the silence lasted, the more I worried that his reaction was going to be awful. After five minutes, I hung my head to hide my watering eyes behind my still wet red hair. I wanted to hear him say that it was okay and that he still loved me, but when he didn't, I reached for my t-shirt to put it back on. He needed to go home to think this through, I could tell.

I pulled my shirt over my head and stood. I switched back to my male voice, "If you're not gonna tell me what you think, I think you should go."

Stan grabbed onto my wrist as I stood up and pulled me back onto his lap. He laced his hands on my hip and looked directly into my eyes; his own were laced with compassion and love. What? "Kyle, I just…I don't know what to say. You're a woman… How should I react to that?"

"I don't know." I buried my face into his collarbone and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Anything but the silence would be preferable. Please, just tell me what you think. Do you still love me? Do you think I'm a freak? What?"

He moved his arm so that he could rub my back, causing me to relax and melt against his chest. "I don't think you're a freak, and of course I still love you. I fell for you for more than your physical appearance. You're smart, funny, and you've always been there for me when I needed you to be. I'm still in shock and I don't know what to say about it, but I do know that this doesn't change what I said earlier."

I smiled softly. "You're too good to me."

He kissed my cheek chastely. "I love you as Kyle, the fact that you were born as Kristine doesn't change a thing."

"Stan," I leaned up and gave him another passionate kiss, "I love you."

He smiled at me and reconnected our lips. He pushed me onto my back and snaked his tongue onto my mouth again. I gave over to him, allowing him take control as our tongues danced with each other and moans continued slipping past our lips. We stayed like that for a few minutes with our hands exploring each others' bodies before finally parting and smiling at each other once again.

"I love you Kyle." Stan said as he planted a kiss on my neck.

"And I love you Stan." I wrapped my arms around him as he fell to his side next to me. I snuggled into his chest as my smile stayed in place and I felt his arms wrap around me. He loved me, he didn't think I was a freak, he just didn't care who I was. I finally had what I wanted from him all along, the acceptance and unconditional love of someone who wants me for me, not for the girl I didn't want to be.


End file.
